A story of love, regret and redemption

A short story of fun, sensibility, regret and redemption. A true 360 moment that only you, the car community, would understand.

In 2017, I bought my dream attainable car. A BMW M135i, F20 LCI. It was a perfect spec in my eyes – a manual (not to everyone’s taste), a 3 door (looks like a mini Ferrari F12, in my head at least), black, unmodified, and had every option ticked that I wanted. It was a dream. For the next couple of years, I drove it all over Europe, made the most amazing memories with it, but in the days of commuting 5x a week, sadly, it simply wasn’t financially viable. In 2019, I then decided to be sensible, and trade it in for £13,000 as a p/ex for a 320D. Yawn, I know. But I was driving c. 450 miles a week on a commute, the manual gearbox was becoming tiresome, and fuel just kept getting worse and worse.

Almost as soon as I sold it – regret. Covid hit a few months later, removed my need to commute and therefore my entire reason for downgrading to a 320D. I regretted it sorely, but I’d made the decision at the time with no idea of what was to come. But alas, that’s life. In vain hope, in 2023 I thought – I’d love to buy that car back. But how? I set up an alert on Autotrader for the exact car – 2015, manual, 3 door, 60k miles or more. I checked it every couple of weeks for the next few years. Nothing. Not many examples come up with that specification – every time I got a notification, my hopes lifted but alas, no.

Two more cars came and went (a Mini Hatch and a 520D). My life changed – I had a breakdown mid last year and re-evaluated everything in my life. And at the start of this year, I thought I need another new car. It’ll make me happy. I started looking around, with my sensible hat on, I was considering an electric car, what with fuel prices as they are, a diesel barely made sense now. Then going back to a Mini. I so very nearly put a deposit down on a very similar Mini to what I’d already have. Not because I loved it, but because it was modern, did the job, and wasn’t hateful. But something stopped me. I decided – no. Not only do you need a new car, you need something that you’ll love. That M135i. Alas, I checked again, and still no sign of her. Okay, well, maybe I can get into a 130i? I still had specific requirements – it needs to be a manual, heated seats, cruise control. The rest I can live with. I found what I thought was the perfect example. Not too spenny. £7.5k – silver, 5 door (boo, I like my pillar-less doors), the options I wanted, 110k miles. I made an enquiry on a Saturday night, and booked a viewing for Monday morning.

Monday morning comes. I wake up at 6am. A WhatsApp message from the dealer. Sorry mate, it sold on Sunday. Ugh. I can’t believe it! Back to square one. What’s square one? It’s the Autotrader search. I click the saved search. And what was listed the very previous day? You guessed it. The car. The exact car. That number plate. 40k miles older, but who gives a shit. I call them at 9am. It’s in Manchester (I’m in Kent). Can I view it today? Yes. Great. 4.5 hours later, I’m there. And there she is. She looks – but I hope she isn’t modified. Wouldn’t it be typical. I go round the back. Oh god. A new diffuser, and an M Performance exhaust. Well, at least it’s an OEM part. I turn her on. My god, she sounds magnificent. Loud. But I’ve got to drive her. We go out for a test drive. And she’s not been remapped. She’s glorious still, that N55 is singing better than she ever did. But she’s not overly powerful. She’s up for £11k. Only £2k depreciation and 40k more miles! I could not care LESS. She’s mine.

And here she is. God, I cannot BELIEVE that life has come around to this extent. The luck involved, I cannot fathom. It’s come at a time after I had a severe breakdown, psychotic episode, and have been off work for months, working on myself. I was back to work 3 months ago, and now I feel better than ever (unrelated to the car, this is the cherry on the top of the cream on top of the cake). And now I have her back. What a machine she is. It’s funny, people don’t understand what it means to me to have her back in my possession. But she means everything to me – at the time I bought her, she was a car that wasn’t sensible, it was just for me. And here I am again. I do things for myself, to make me happy. And boy, I am HAPPY. Welcome back, old friend. You’ll never leave my side ever again.